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Tale of an Ambassador

3 March 2011

This is an excellent piece of classic Chinese journalism penned by 天池西 and posted on The report is written in a traditional chronicle style adopted by Simaqian's Records of the Historian (135 BC–86 BC). If you ever consider to study classic Chinese literature, we strongly recommend you to begin with this little essay which is not only wonderfully crafted but extremely funny with the content closely related to the current events in the world:







景帝: Emperor Peace

河蟹: Era of Harmony

八年: the eighth year of his reign, i.e. year 2011

庚寅月: Golden Tiger month, i.e. lunar 1st month, i.e. February

丙午日: Fire Horse day, i.e. 20th.

西牛贺州免煮上国: West Cowboy Empire

细作: spy

密呈: secret report

午时: noon, before 2 pm

未央宫: The Forbidden City

东巷: east street, i.e. Wangfujing Avenue

举事: uprising

诘之三: repeatedly question the spy to verify the details

谋之细密: well planned

吾邦: our country, i.e. West Cowboy Empire

圈养带路党: collaborators hired by Cowboy Empire

内应外合: people operating from within in coordination with outside forces

一鼓而定: succeed in one go

必欲身先士卒: determined to personally join the fight

阵前鼓气: boost morale of his soldiers

插免煮上国旌麾于肩: have a Cowboy Empire's flag on his arm

昂扬而出: walk out of embassy in high spirit

携酱油瓶于手: get an excuse handy for emergency use, such as "Just come to take a look" or "Just walk by with my family"

邦营饭馆麦当劳: Cowboy burger eatery trading in China

地痞七八: seven or eight hooligans

各邦观察使百余: over a hundred journalists from assorted countries

皆持长枪短炮: all carry cameras and microphones

严阵以待: wait for the riot to start

作势围观: watch the free show performed by local hooligans and foreign journalist

上下莫名对望: look at each other trying to figure out what the show is about

所聚之众未有沸扬之状: no sign of riot

墨狸花: Jasmine flower

天朝锦衣卫: Chinese police

沏茶相邀: to be questioned during tea break at police station

暗使各邦观察使搡锦衣卫: signal the foreign journalists to shove the police officers

欲激其反扑而致事变: to enrage police officers so as to create a violent confrontation

兔家腹黑之道: 卧薪尝胆、忍辱负重、韬光养晦、克己复礼……

别推我呀: Don't push me

其状窘迫: in a difficult situation as the officers have to observe restraint and discipline when facing thuggish foreign journalists

一计不成,更生一计: try another way to provoke violence

步入人群: wedge into crowd

来为吾邦之乱耳?”: "Come to China to stir trouble?"

菊花一紧,答曰:非也。”: shudder and reply, "I do not."

扮猪吃虎乎?”: "You wish to see China descend into chaos, don't you?"

无言对之: unable to reply

急土遁而去: flee the scene

三日方止: for three days make no public response to the event

带路党坑爹: Chinese collaborators dig a hole for their master to jump into

恐吾邦亡之未远矣: the days of the Cowboy Empire may be numbered

太史公曰: author's comment

国虽大,好战必亡: no matter how strong your empire is, if it is led by a bunch of warmongers, its demise is inevitable

天下虽富,骄逸必危: no matter how wealthy your country is, if you keep robbing other nations by forcing them using your currency through the tactic of stirring troubles worldwide, the bad karma will catch up with you sooner or later.

艾米丽见尝携包举宇内之势而为带路党所误: look around the world and throughout history, operations relying on collaborations with conscienceless collaborators forever end miserably

不亦囧乎: Don't you feel miserable too? Your Excellency?

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