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News from New Joke Times

18 November 2011 
 
 
 

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is known to be a man of multi-talents - he has mastered almost every skills the legendary yet fictional James Bond is said to be capable of. But there is one skill he is definitely lacking: cooking delicious Anhui dishes that are characterised with natural and subtle taste.

According to rumours, Mr Putin has determined to make up this shortcoming, so he travelled to China and occupied a home accommodation (农家乐) at Dragon Mouth Village (安徽省龙咀村) in Anhui Province. Recently he was spotted sitting in a kitchen leaning against the supporting wall of a traditional brick stove range by a harrassing journalist from a Guangdong media called Sow's Profile. Allegedly, the journalist broke into the kitchen and took a shot of him and demanded an instant inverview. In the beginning, Mr. Putin just smiled rather friendly until the journalist started to ask some highly personal questions in a hugely offensive manner, such as "Why you are unalbe to find youself a female consort at the age of 48? Is it because you are too stupid? Or too poor? Or too ugly?"

It is believed that Mr Putin replied in his newly acquired Chinese: "I'm not a pig, therefore I don't wish to have my profile got onto your sow's magazine. Get lost your mother's, roll away your mother's, fxxx your mother's."

Rumours have it that the Sow's Profile felt dreadfully humiliated and reported the incident to the National Decrease and Reduction Commission, and NDRC felt the matter terribly serious thus quickly informed Prime Mama, and Prime Mama felt intensely sad and wept bitterly while recited a line from a patriotic poet: "Why I'm tearful all the time? Because I love my motherland so much."

When Ai Weiwei, the treacherous son of the poet, learned the incident, he stripped himself naked in front of the Tiananmen Square, once again, and cursed roundly before a camera from Sow's Profile: "Fxxx my motherland!"

Sow's boss' boss immediately got the hint and mobilized 80 plus media outlets under his control to declar to the world that the Chinese Netizens were all outraged by Putin's coarse language and that the villagers demanded the authority to secure an injunction from court to forcibly evict Putin.

The move backfired, however. Majority of Chinese Netizens are indeed outraged, but not by Mr. Putin's supposed misuse of Chinese language but Chinese meida's reckless misrepresentation of their view. All online surveys consistently show that over 80% of respondents support Putin, while in the village, Mr. Putin is repeatedly urged to stay in the home commodation by all villagers, exept one household called Guangdong Hua (广滑竞技学院), a family that is gossiped to have a speical link with some anti-motherland forces in Taiwan.

Seeing the overwhelming support for Mr. Putin from the general public, Sows published a new article, urging the public not to go against Mr. Putin. (“宽容”“刀下留人”)

The skin of the Sows are just so much thicker than humans.

Now is the question: Is this a factual report or a fictional tale?

Click here to find out the answer in the left column.

 
 
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What Chinese Say

About China Reform

老风先生:

“发改委”是个什么单位?是内阁?是军机处?是国务院的办事机构,还是党中央的参谋机构?都不是!它什么都不是!它是人类历史上最奇怪的一家单位!它的任务只是:一天到晚高叫“改革”,却总是不知道该怎样“改革”的单位!它的特点只是:一天到晚高喊“打击垄断”,自己却总在垄断“改革”话语权的单位!你倒是拿出一些深受人民拥护的“改革良策”啊!没有!教育改革,上不起学;医疗改革,看不起病;住房改革,住不起房;你到底是“改革发展委”,还是“改革倒退委”?

“发改委”指责食盐专卖垄断,说他们抗拒改革,全国人民却给食盐专卖打满分,改革30年,唯一不涨价的人民必需品-就是食盐!几大银行倒是听了他们的话,结果全都成了外资的提款机!

大家说个公道话,“央视”有什么资格控诉别人垄断?你“央视”要是不垄断,能收广告费100多亿吗?“央视”的异常反水现象告诉我们,有些汉奸们,不把公有制搞垮,搞砸锅,逝不罢休!

It's both a news and a joke.

The joke part:

If you think the man in the photo is Russian PM Putin instead of a Chinese peasant Luo Yuanping (罗元平), you'll get a joke.

And the news part:

When you replace the name of Russian Prime Minister Putin with the name of Beijing University Professor Kong Qingdong, you'll get a news.

According to a survey by Xinhua News Agency, a media once led the anti-Professor Kong campaign, the ratio between Kong's supporters and Kong's antagonists is 9.5:0.5.

While VOA and falungong are both supporting the media and against the professor, you'll know immediately who stand by national interest.


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