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Definition of Some Words

8 July 2010
 

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

妥协:
所谓妥协就是一种让每个人都认为他分到了最好一块蛋糕的艺术。

Compromise with Chinese characteristics:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that the everybody but one got a bigger piece, and the one who normally is a Chinese and received a smaller piece told his kids he got the biggest chunk.

中国特色的妥协:
所谓妥协就是让除了做蛋糕的人之外其他所有人都分到一块大一点的蛋糕的艺术,然后某专家含泪告诉蛋糕师他是负责做蛋糕的不是负责吃蛋糕的,现在有了蛋糕应该感恩。于是做蛋糕的捧着分到的鼻屎大一块蛋糕,泪奔。

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

机会主义者:
所谓机会主义者就是当你不小心跌到河里后,你趁机洗把澡。

Opportunist with Chinese characteristics:

A person who offers to help the crocodiles with their man-hunting venture after he accidentally falls into the crocodile-infested river when he tried to lead him group to cross the waterway by groping for stones.

中国特色的机会主义者:
所谓机会主义者就是当你和你的伙伴摸着石头过河而不小心跌到鳄鱼出没的河里后,你自告奋勇为鳄鱼追杀你的同伴。

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

医生:
所谓医生就是先用他的药物治好你,再用他的账单整死你的人。

Doctor with Chinese characteristics (in recent couple of decades):

A person who will not kill your ills by pills before he kills you with his bills.

中国特色的医生:
所谓医生就是若不先用他的账单整死你就绝不用他的药物治好你的人。

Classic:

A book which people praise, but do not read.

经典:
所谓经典就是一本人人都说好但谁也不愿读的书。

Classic with Chinese characteristics:

A book which people all praise but few read and those who do not read trying to convince you on television screen that they are the ones who know how to interpret the classic.

中国特色的经典:
所谓经典就是一本叫好的人很多读过的人很少,没读过的有资格上电视为大家解读这本书的书。

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

哈欠:
所谓打哈欠就是某些怕自家老婆的男人在家里唯一的开口机会。

Yawn with Chinese characteristics:

The only time some People's Representatives on the annual meeting of the National People's Congress ever get to open their mouth.

中国特色的哈欠:
所谓打哈欠就是某些怕公共仆人的人大代表在每年一次的人大会议上唯一的开口机会。

Parliament:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and all disagree with each other later on.

议会:
所谓议会就是一个每个人都在那里说话,没有人在那里倾听,之后谁也不服谁的地方。

Parliament with Taiwan characteristics:

A place where everybody shouts, nobody listens and many practice kung fu punches and kicks.

台湾特色的议会:
所谓议会就是一个每个人都在那里叫骂,没有人在那里倾听,还有一些人在那儿比划拳脚的地方。

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

所谓政客就是选举前摇动你的双手,选举后动摇你的信心的人。

Optimist:

A journalist reporting a man falling from the top of the CCTV building says before the poor man hit the ground: "Fortunately he is not yet injured."

所谓具有乐观主义精神的人就是这样一类记者:当他看见有人从央视顶楼往下跳而尚未着地时,赶紧向全国人民报告:目前跳楼者情绪稳定、尚无受伤迹象。

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