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War It Like We Talk It

13 December 2010
 

Fear not, my lord,
We will not stand to yellow peril.

Those who cannot, forever talk.
Those who can, simply war.

Obama: Yes, we can!

Kevin Rudd: To be quite frankly, Afghanistan scares the hell out of me, please let's leave it to civilian personnel, let's not to commit more troops, let's try China.

Hillary Clinton: You sure we can fare better in China?

KR: Absolutely, because China has bigger territory, larger population, richer resources, better financial situation, while they never colonised other countries, never genocided natives in other continents, never enslaved black Africans, never dropped nukes onto other people's land, never air stroke other people's cities, and most importantly, Chinese army has been the first military force that beat American troops hollow in the Korean War ...

HC: (irritated) What are you going to say, Mr. Rudd?

KR: Oh, sorry about that if I failed to make myself clear, all I want to say is, that, despite China has been mucking around on the planet for over 5000 years whiles you and me are new to the field, it is up to us to make ground rules, and if China refuses to play our games, we'll have to prepare to use forces and to initiate wars so our defeat can be guaranteed...

HC: Are you out of your mind, Mr. Rudd?

KR: Not at all, this is a grand war strategy called 有一种胜利叫失败, meaning there is a victory called defeat.

HC: Never heard of it.

KR: It's from Sun Tzu’s Art of War, the 37th War Strategy: 孙子兵法三十七,唯有投降上上计, which means if you can't resist "sex by surprise", enjoy it.

HC: (excited) Awesome! Now I understand, since I have been violated, supposedly, I can ask Swedish authority to arrest China in London, and to extradite China to USA, and to lock China in Guantanamo Bay, and, and, and, wait, the bay can't hold 1.3 billion people ...

KR: Well, if my memory serves me correctly, Mr Obama once said to an Australian journalist ..

HC: Aha, Obama, yes, of course, soon there won't be 1.3 billion Chinese - we've got Monsanto, do we? And plus so and so in their department, and so and so in their university, and so and so in their academy, and so and so in their media, and even the patent holder for a genetically modified tree house built next to Darwin's Orchid in Beijing's Rock View Hill with three devil's marks on his back ... to poison them, poison them all, all 1.3 billion Chinese people. I'm confident that most of Chinese will be long dead before reaching Guantanamo. What a quiet and peaceful world we'll soon come to enjoy, as enjoyable as "sex by surprise"! Now I also understand why 5 former Norwegian politicians awarded my former foe Nobel Peace Prize 2009.

Prev: 2nd Korean War or 3rd Opium War?
Next: Australians' Support for Leaks

 
 
RELATED:

No Leaks in the West, free speech in the East; prosecute US's enemy Julian Assange, free China's enemy Liu Xiaobo! Welcome to US world order 2010!

Information has never been so free. Even in authoritarian countries information networks are helping people discover new facts and making governments more accountable.

- US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, January 21, 2010

What Wikileaks has done [helping people discover new facts and making governments more accountable] is ''an attack against the international community''.

-- US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, December 2010

The US is betraying one of its founding myths: freedom of information. And they are doing so now, because for the first time since the end of the Cold War, they are threatened with losing worldwide control of information.

-- Berliner Zeitung


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