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You Sure, These Are Your Toes?

2 November 2010

Japan: Help! Somebody steps on my toes!

Russia: You sure these are your toes not pebbles in my backyard?

Japan: Let me repeat, my stance is that those four pebbles are part of my foot, so your deliberate stepping on the pebbles is very regrettable and will harm the neighbourhood relationship between you and me.

Russia: Don't be so hysterical! Your reaction is wrong and unacceptable. Be a good boy, okay, don't keep claiming your neighbours' properties as yours.

Japan: You wait, I'll call my uncle. Uncle Sam! Woooooo [sobbing], somebody steps on my toes!

Philip Crowley: Hi, world, listen, I do back Japan regarding those four objects.

Japan: Did you hear what my uncle said? Be afraid, be very afraid.

Russia: Come on, that guy can't be your real uncle, he's White, and you are not, for your yellow sun goddess' sake, that guy is more like my relative than yours.

Japan: Then what are you gonna do?

Russia: Me? I spoke with the people in the backyard and toured a geothermal power station, which makes me realise How many beautiful places there are in Russia!

Japan: You have no right to do so?

Russia: Of course I do. It's the president's duty to control the development of all Russian regions, including the remotest backyards.

Japan: I will not tolerate that.

Russia: Oh, yes, you will, I know. You've tolerated that big Sam stepping on your two shoulders for 65 years; you seem to quite enjoy it and even call him uncle.

Japan: I am a war criminal of WWII as you must remember and he is the police, judge and prison guard. Now I'm still under house arrest - what do you expect me to do?

Russia: So, as you must remember, I'm also the police who apprehended you and the judge who tried you. Let me remind you, you must return all your war trophies and keep paying your fines, otherwise, you will be condemned to life in prison. By the way, do me a favour. Please never think of becoming a permanent member of UN Security Council, so as not to waste our time in keeping rejecting your applications, won't you?

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